LIFE UPDATE | New Career
2021 was a YEAR. I won't get into it but it broke me in ways I didn't think I could ever be broken in. I realized my worth as a person, as an employee, and as a friend. This meant I went through a lot of low points, disappointments, and set backs to get to these realizations.
OUTFIT DETAILS // TINY BAG / OVERSIZED BLAZER [3 sizes larger for fit] / BLACK PANTS [spat pants]
When you come from abuse, people find that as a weakness and will play it to their advantage. [MY STORY HERE]
I hadn't realized to what extent people could do this to me until this year.
Call me naïve or gullible, I just always think the best of people until they prove me wrong. When their true colors are shown, I cut them off. What I realized is that sometimes I don't see their true colors staring back at me right away.
When I moved to Newport Beach I was full of hope, joy, and radiating health. My how quickly that shattered when the wrong people took influence over my life. It was a slow and steady progression that I didn't even realize until I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw.
My right eye wouldn't stop twitching, my face was puffy along with every inch of my body (an auto immune stress response), my skin broken out beyond recognition, my joints were swollen and in pain, my clothes that fit me perfectly not 2 months prior now fit so incredibly tight, my body tensing up the first sound of footsteps around me, waking up 2-3 times a night with sleep paralysis. What I saw was burn out and brokenness staring back at me.
I knew I had to make a change and fast. I took interviews from companies reaching out to me to work for them. I pursued healthier habits for my auto immune diseases again. Stopped responding to toxic people trying to communicate with me. Anything to find a moment of relief.
I accepted a position with a company and put my 2 weeks notice in at my job. This was the hardest decision for me to make because I LOVED the people I saw everyday but the job itself and the work environment was killing me. Getting up at 3 am everyday for 6 months took the life right out of me. Christmas Eve was going to be my last day.
About a week before I was supposed to leave my job I received word from the new company I was going to start with that they went in a different direction. Broken and not knowing what to do, I officially felt like my knees hit ground zero. After years of hovering above complete brokenness, I arrived.
Everyday at work my friends asked if I was ok, physically and emotionally I was showing huge signs of distress. Trying to smile through the pain, it was obvious I was anything but well. I kept my two weeks notice because I couldn't keep doing that job for a lot of reasons. I would figure it out. I had to. My life had to be better then what it was.
One thing I have realized with moving here is that the RIGHT people in your life want to see you succeed. That is exactly what happened. One of my closest friends here helped me find a new job that not only will fulfill me professionally but is the perfect fit for me personally. When I was offered the job, I went to her as she sat on the exercise bike and sobbed in her arms. Her huge heart helped me find hope again in my life here in Newport Beach.
I ended up not starting my job until mid January which gave me the sweetest time to allow my body to try and find a new rhythm and peace after what I had been through in the months past. I slept for days and days. I allowed my body to feel emotions I had held inside just to survive. I allowed sunsets on the beach bring me to tears. I gave into cravings. I paused working out to let my head have a break from constantly trying to work off the stress inflammation responses.
When I clocked on for my first day of work, sitting in the comfort of my room, well rested and ready to work I felt peace. I felt hope for a better future for myself. I felt confidence I thought I had lost forever. This was the change I had been working for all of 2021, searching for when I moved here in August. I found it and I am not letting it go.
My mindset for 2022 is safety and stability emotionally, physically, and financially
that I MYSLEF bring to my life as a strong rebuilt person.
MY JOB //
I am working for an amazing mortgage company here in Irvine! I am a Customer Success Manager. This is a huge difference in our company vs. other mortgage companies, we don't just help families get into homes but we help them on every level of their financial journey.
After the loan officers help them get into a home, they hand them to us CSM's where we call and check in on them 3 months post closing, 6 months, 1 year, and for the years to come. This check in is not only to be sure everything is going well with their loan but to make sure they are tapped into our resources to help with their home, recommend meeting with certain business professionals to aid in their financial journey goals, and to make sure they are successful in their home ownership.
Truly, this position is the first I have heard of its kind. I am so excited to be able to finish training and be able to have my list of clients I get to help find financial success. Sometimes these calls are a simple chat that leaves you with encouragement in your day, other calls you get to connect someone with a professional to solve a problem they are facing which feels amazing to be a part of a solution and bring hope.
Coming from someone who has been impacted from financial burdens that were not of my own doing, being able to help make a difference in other's financial journey's makes my heart full. I get to use my story each day in a positive way which makes those burdens feel a little more positive than negative.
I cannot wait to see where I go in this career!
MY HEALTH //
When I moved here in August I was at a high point in my healing of my auto immune diseases. I was studying for my holistic nutrition certiciate. I was finding workouts that kept my inflammation at bay while still staying active.
I started slowly declining towards the end of September with the biggest flare up of my IBD I had experienced since February. I was crushed. Feeling like a complete hypocrite trying to help others heal their bodies, my body couldn't even stay healthy. I let imposter syndrome get the best of me and I shut my books and food blog for an unknown amount of time. Maybe forever.
This Winter has been tough. I am carrying about 20 extra pounds from inflammation and hormonal imbalances. I know, before you say "I can't tell"...my first career was in fashion and I know how to dress to flatter myself and hide certain areas. To be honest, I am so uncomfortable in my own body. I don't want to be seen in workout clothes because I am so far away from where I am comfortable. A lot of this is fighting with myself and my inner battle I have fought with since I was 14 at the beginning of my ED.
With this new job, I get to work from home. This is HUGE for someone that suffers from auto immune diseases like mine because I can be comfortable. If I need to run to the bathroom, it's 5 feet away. If I need to make a smoothie, it's 5 feet away. If I need to change from jeans to loose sweats because I am bloated beyond comfort, it's 5 feet away.
What I hope comes from with this career change into a job that is fulfilling and prioritized work life balance: is a time for my body to slowly bounce back, the time to rest + recover, the time to finish my holistic nutrition certificate, to launch my nutritionist services, to have a healthy daily routine that brings nutrition to my body and the time for healthy movement, and stability with health insurance. It's been since 2018 that I was on health insurance. We are making big moves over here for the security and stability of life I bring to myself!
Now the work to get my body healthy again. Pursuing updated blood tests to see what level I am dealing with then the road of repair starts. Finding a naturopathic doctor down here along with trauma therapy and neurodivercity therapy.
I am proud, even in my fragile physical state currently, because I haven't given up
even though there have been days and weeks I thought I would.
Now entering my successful era: physically, emotionally, and financially.
